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David Brooks: ...And a Doughy Pantload Shall Lead Them



Over the past 13 years I have occasionally amused myself by commenting on the absolute, mind-numbing, metronomic predictability of certain types of David Brooks' columns.


The coming of an Imaginary Third Party which will wipe every tear from our eyes, and there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things will have passed away.


The coming of an Imaginary Republican Hero who will wipe every tear from our eyes, and there will be no more death' or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things will have passed away.



And of course, Mr. Brooks perennial insistence that an Imaginary Conservative Renaissance (which will wipe every tear from yadda yadda yadda) Is Just Around The Corner.  And I do mean "perennial" in the literal sense --
lasting or existing for a long or apparently infinite time; enduring or continually recurring.
--because Mr. Brooks has been confidently predicting an Imaginary Conservative Renaissance Which Is Just Around The Corner about once every five or six months for at least the last 19 years.  In fact, here is Mr. David Brooks in 1999 explaining that the mistakes of the past were behind them and a glorious new Republican Party was right around the corner:
ONE NATION CONSERVATISM
How George W. Bush and John McCain -- without quite realizing it -- are creating a new Republican philosophy

...together, Bush's Compassionate Conservatism and McCain's New Patriotic Challenge are steps toward a fresh vision for the Republican party. Indeed, if you meld the core messages of the two campaigns, you get a coherent governing philosophy for the post-Clinton age.
Yes, for the past two fucking decades Mr. Brooks has been making a very fine living peddling this particular lie to his Beltway collaborators and every single fucking time he has been completely and utterly wrong.

So imagine my complete lack of surprise when I opened The New York Times this morning and...
A Renaissance on the Right 
By David Brooks

What’s bad for the gavel is good for the pen. The Republican Party is in the midst of a cataclysmic transformation. But all the political turmoil is creating a burst of intellectual creativity on the right...
And who shall lead this  Imaginary Conservative Renaissance Which Is Definitely Just Around The Corner?

A bunch of toddlers you have never heard of, and...(emphasis added)
...Other conservatives are rising to defend that order, including National Review’s Jonah Goldberg, who later this month comes out with his epic and debate-shifting book, “Suicide of the West.”
Yes, the field marshall of Mr. Brooks' New Conservative revolution is the same shitbag who wrote "Liberal Fascism"


And against what mighty foe shall Jonah Goldberg be unleashing his portion of this "burst of intellectual creativity on the right"?

You guessed it:
Goldberg is right to fight tribalism on the left and the right
So take heart, kids: the Irrelevant Beltway Conservative Renaissance is at hand!

And Doughy Pantload shall lead them...


I'm Going To Need A Bottle The Size Of A Buick