Climate Change Report Predictions by tristero

Climate Change Report Predictions 

by tristero

The New York Times has obtained a not-yet-public climate change report that, of course, contradicts the blithering ignorance of Donald Trump and his minions. There are several possible outcomes:

1. Trump will release the report and the media will fall all over itself praising him for acting like a president. Part 1: Very unlikely. Part 2: Definitely.

2. The report will be suppressed and never see the light of day. The report's findings will be ignored. Part 1: Very likely. Part 2: Definitely.

3. The Times will release the report after Trump refuses to. The Times will be sued out of business by the Trump administration. The report's findings will be ignored. Part 1: Very likely. Part 2: Likely. Part 3: Definitely.

4. Recognizing that the fate of the planet literally hangs in the balance, there will be a worldwide protests demanding the release of the report, and increasing civil unrest in the US. Bowing to the will of the people, the Trump administration will release the report and embrace its findings. Part 1: You're kidding, right? Part 2: Now I know you're kidding.

5. We're fucking doomed because the American government is run by insane idiots. A foregone conclusion.

Here's hoping that I am proven completely, thoroughly, and hilariously wrong.